|
07-03-2008
|
#1 |
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: earth
Posts: 208
 |
the max and miley show!
two Macaraccoons Max (the boy) Miley (the girl) having adventures
1.Missing Miley Max and Miley were home Miley was making breakfast for her and Max. When breakfast was done it was cinamon they both ate then Max told Miley "this is good what" he didn't finish the sentense because he saw Miley was gone! Max popped his head throu the window and yelled " Miley, Milley!" all he herd was Miley scream " HELP!" but max lost her but he went outside and saw footprints he followed and followed he saw something red he ran slowly because he was hungry and thirsty but he didn't give up because he loved his sister exacly like how he loves lollipops when he got closer he saw it was proffester pester's lab! hhe found a way too get in then he said "i need more exercise!" he saw proffeser pester tying up Milley then proffeser pester saw Max then Proffeser pester said "ah ha trying to save your sister then try too defeat my ruffians!" the ruffians popped out but Max just walked throu them then Max kicked proffeser pester on the head and then Miley was saved THE END
__________________
|
|
|
| Sponsored Links |
|
07-03-2008
|
#2 |
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In my room
Posts: 499
|
Work more on the spelling...
__________________
NEW CHARACTERS: Evan the Purrlion, Nausta the Buneary, Howl the Wolf, Sunflare the Kittyfloss, Hail the Kittyfloss, Cheti the Cat, Karma the Mouse, Noir the Mallowolf, Velnan the Dragonache (ganonvelf) |
|
|
|
|
07-03-2008
|
#3 |
|
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: earth
Posts: 208
|
sorry i had to type fast
__________________
|
|
|
|
|
07-03-2008
|
#4 |
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Murkrow's Nest
Posts: 1,040
|
Uhhhh...ummm....good?
__________________
 \/ They did it. |
|
|
|
|
07-04-2008
|
#5 |
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 474
|
It was....Okay..... First off, my teacher taught me that THE END isn't a good ending, try to tie your ending to your beginning. Second, there's alot of run-on sentences... And not enough detail... Try to work on that... >>
Third, It seems...... Boring! Try to spice up your stories with Homophones and Similes.
__________________
C o u r a g e is the magic that turns dreams into R e a l i t y. ♥ Avvie & Siggy made by PrianaPreztail. c: |
|
|
|
|
07-04-2008
|
#6 |
|
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In my room
Posts: 499
|
I....agree with you Pretty Preztail.
__________________
NEW CHARACTERS: Evan the Purrlion, Nausta the Buneary, Howl the Wolf, Sunflare the Kittyfloss, Hail the Kittyfloss, Cheti the Cat, Karma the Mouse, Noir the Mallowolf, Velnan the Dragonache (ganonvelf) |
|
|
|
|
07-04-2008
|
#7 |
|
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 474
|
Thank you. ^^
__________________
C o u r a g e is the magic that turns dreams into R e a l i t y. ♥ Avvie & Siggy made by PrianaPreztail. c: |
|
|
|
|
07-04-2008
|
#8 |
|
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In my room
Posts: 499
|
Anytime~.-
__________________
NEW CHARACTERS: Evan the Purrlion, Nausta the Buneary, Howl the Wolf, Sunflare the Kittyfloss, Hail the Kittyfloss, Cheti the Cat, Karma the Mouse, Noir the Mallowolf, Velnan the Dragonache (ganonvelf) |
|
|
|
|
07-04-2008
|
#9 |
|
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 474
|
^^ I'm sure Love Me will find the tips useful.
__________________
C o u r a g e is the magic that turns dreams into R e a l i t y. ♥ Avvie & Siggy made by PrianaPreztail. c: |
|
|
|
|
07-04-2008
|
#10 |
|
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: In my room
Posts: 499
|
Yep,me too.
__________________
NEW CHARACTERS: Evan the Purrlion, Nausta the Buneary, Howl the Wolf, Sunflare the Kittyfloss, Hail the Kittyfloss, Cheti the Cat, Karma the Mouse, Noir the Mallowolf, Velnan the Dragonache (ganonvelf) |
|
|
|
 |
| Bookmarks |
| Thread Tools | |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
